Today I finally realised that counting on others is just a waste of emotions-everytime! To be honest, I've kind of known this for while, just as I start to rely on someone they go ahead and make me regret it. It's best to be independent, wholly dependent on yourself only. Although sometimes I find it so difficult to cope on my own with things, better to expect nothing from those around you and be surprised when they acknowledge that you may need some support than to assume that they will be there to support you. I'm not even meaning support in that strong a way, just a simple chat when I'm down and scared to admit that I'm stressed, upset or whatever.
Why do humans insist on having emotions? Surely after so much pain of loss, broken hearts and disappointment from assumptions, humans would evolve to more like animals and stop caring?! It's make for an easier and more enjoyable life, you'd be able to live a lighter life..
So, I am going to try this theory and try to be more like an animal, prove that I am independent enough to survive what life throws at me, alone. It's better this way, that way you only have yourself to be disappointed in when you let yourself down and it's always easier to speak to yourself about how you have annoyed yourself. I'm not denying this will be a challenge, but perhaps this way there will be less pain involved. If I don't care about any of it, then surely it won't hurt...?
Ps, I would like to rephrase, there is a very very small minority of people who I can count on, always.
Hi Heather, It is good to be independent but be careful that you do not alienate yourself from people who cares for you. You seem to hurting about more than one thing.
It will get better as time goes by. Life is not easy and it is bad if you can not discuss
things with someone. You have been doing so much lately, with your travels, photografy and varsity.Go sit down and think of the positives.
Take care and smile.
Love, Jacques
Hi Jacques, I know that I shouldn't alienate myself and I try not to but sometimes I just struggle to trust people to rely on them enough to really tell them how I feel. The past month has been of a bit up and down month emotionally for a variety of reasons and with today being the two year marking of dad's death, I seem to be having more moments of weakness. My photography and writing is a way or me releasing myself and for the most part, it's enough to keep me going.
I appreciate your comment though.
I'm fine though Jacques, and I'm still smiling so don't worry
Love to you and Judith.